9/21/2018 2 Comments Visiting Myself by LarsI went and talked to myself again not too long ago. The last few times haven’t been all that great, and I don’t know what keeps compelling me to go back. As I approach this altered reflection of myself, I notice for the first time how atrophied he’s become; His eyes look strained, forced open with an invisible speculum, unable to rest. His face shallow, pale, and aged. His body frail, emaciated, and dying. It scared me but I approached him regardless. As I got within a few feet of him, he spoke to me as he always has whenever I visited him. My reflection told me, “My friend, this needs to come to an end. Go and take the knowledge I’ve given you and apply it. Take these humbling experiences and appreciate them and reflect on them. But this needs to stop.” He sounded sad and desperate for me to understand, as if he was dying as he put his heart into his words.
I asked him, “Why?” He didn’t respond, but instead he showed me the terrors of what could be. Nothing had ever scared me this much and at that moment, I understood. I stayed with my reflection and he shared some thoughts with me. He showed me some things that I had never seen before; Magnificent beings that when broken down are a collection of individual conscious bodies, on a scale that I will never be able to find the words to articulate. Each individual’s consciousness connecting and intertwining with each other, forming large beautiful spirals. These sights, among others, brought me immense joy. These were the final gifts my reflection gave to me. As we wrapped up our time together, I bid him farewell for the last time. I wasn’t aware it was going to be the last time, but as I walked away, I reflected on what I had been told and what I was shown. Never have I been so terrified and overjoyed at the same time. I felt humbled and appreciative of the time we had spent together. After I had left, I went back again, despite what my reflection had told me. When I got to that place again, he was nowhere to be found and I was saddened. Something was different about that place this time though, and it felt new. So I wandered for hours with nothing but my own thoughts and what he had left me with. It was lonely, dark, and sinister. I roamed in this unfamiliar haze with no guidance, no light at the end of the tunnel, just aimlessly wandering. I became frustrated, for my thoughts had started to deceive me. I came to an intersection and I was in the middle for some time, thinking of everything at once. I closed my eyes, ran my hands through my hair, and screamed as if I was releasing my impurities within. When I opened my eyes I saw light and the way to go. I followed it and it led me to safety. Once I was sure I was clear, I stopped and drained my mind. I breathed and remembered what my reflection had said to me before. I understood it at a deeper level now because I was able to relate to it. I have not since returned, for now I have my answers. This path that I had set on so long ago has finally ended and now. I’ve emerged on the other side.
2 Comments
Sarah Koehn
9/25/2018 07:04:33 am
Love this one!
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Mr. L
9/25/2018 09:24:25 am
All I can say is that was awesome. So descriptive. Loved the line.... This path that I had set on so long ago has finally ended and now. I’ve emerged on the other side.....
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