5/22/2018 0 Comments Wildfires by CanisWhen I asked you the last time about what you really wanted you said “nothing” and when I looked into your eyes shortly after I saw no twinkle of reassurance nor did I see the word “you” written in your pupils rather I saw sentences outlining your irises that said everything you hate about me
and I said nothing because we both knew that your mouth never even so much as kissed the truth When I asked you why you cheated you told me it was because I did not “give you what you need” but there you were asking for the same things that we used to do together I guess my drugs weren’t strong enough I guess my heart wasn’t big enough No- perhaps your hands weren’t small enough to hold it comfortably underneath the crushing weight of your fingers and if they were I’m sure you would’ve closed your fist a long time ago maybe then my heart wouldn’t have gotten used to your warmth and maybe it wouldn’t have hurt as much but “maybe” doesn’t change the way that things played out or the way that you played with my heart like a toy that you got ever so bored with but told me that you loved because you knew it was the greatest gift that I could give and yet you still took it for granted Like the feeling of sand falling from in-between your fingers onto a tiny mound of dirt after we buried my ferret I suppose the dust that you turned it into felt similar whilst slipping away from your grasp and into the wind leaving you nothing but a memory except you never cared for the real thing anyway and now I hope that you feel my fingers slowly begin to milk your heart of all serenity without even touching you- the same way you did mine and I’ll be sure to take my time with tiny hands and sharp nails and I hope it hurts I hope you feel homesick when other people’s kisses don’t taste like mine- I hope that when you look at the tattoos that you got on our anniversary that it makes you want to rip the flesh you got it on because the memory is too painful- and I hope that when you smoke my cigarettes that I left in your car that your throat burns like wildfires not only because of the flavor and smoke but because you know my favorite kind.
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