You called me a monster.
I internalized that to mean that you thought I was unlovable. Unwantable. Unworthy.
But I think we just had different connotations.
I think you might have meant that I was the kind of person who didn’t let you win.
Who wasn’t easily manipulated by you.
Whom you couldn’t destroy.
You were there when others weren’t.
Believed in me when others doubted.
Pushed me while others held me back,
But my mind thought otherwise.
To get lost in what is mysterious is to know oneself,
To expand the horizon of what the sun reaches-
Woah woah love me
Woah woah feel me
Woah woah take me for yourself
I was broken
You were lonely
We found love,
that's all I want
I am crawling with guilt because a man I know tried to kill my spirit
He saw me running much faster than him,
And didn’t like it
And my soft doe ears and I couldn’t hear his lurking from behind,
So he shot me in the back
Like he was Hades and I was supposed to be his Persephone
Like a buck and a half,
With a bullet straight through my chest,
My heart pounded like an angry fire alarm
Stunned by how loud the ringing feeling buzzed inside me,
I was left with nothing else
Having a doctor tell someone you love that there time on this earth is limited is absolutely crazy. There is no way to deal with news like that other then to kinda start freaking out. My dad was given ten years to live in 2004 when he was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin lymphoma. My family’s life was flipped completely upside down within a matter of one doctor's appointment. My dad told me that when he first heard the news he was numb to the whole thing. He mentally left the room and flashbacks replayed in his head of his two daughters and his wife (my mom). He was scared for his life, but then he realized he can't change the fact that he has this disease, so he needed to overcome it.
May we share forth the divine light that glows from the depth of our souls.
May we be peaceful and kind to one another,
and to all beings on this earth.
Is it good crying when it rains?
Because my heart feels like doing the same with all this pain,
But I guess that’s the consequences
Because I listened to the thoughts in my brain.
Now it all seems like a game,
But I’m the only one playing.
They were always there
sometimes just out of sight.
Waiting in the background
‘till the time was just right.
These demons were destructive
knocking down the life he knew.
They come out to play at night
demons of his own creations
stand above all his nightmares.
One night in the hospital
(I could remember it like it was yesterday)
I’ll never forget that fateful dream
As if God had spoken to me
My mother always told me,
“God speaks to us in many ways”
And I believe she’s right
I couldn’t forget that night
And the recurring dream
I opened my eyes
And there was nothing except a mirror
There I was
First day of school felt great as I arrived
Summer went by in a flash,
And sleep was something that was very deprived
My main focus was to come in determined
And be careful what I decide
And keep my mind from distractions
The good ones come and go
The bad put on a show
Salt can look like sugar and that’s just how life goes
Cause the world can be so cold
But you get used to it like snow
If you live in Minnesota then you would probably know
Baby when I think about you baby you know it hurts
But i’m addicted to the pain without you it’ll be worse
My world will come down you will take my world with you when you leave
But you’ve been starting to leave every other week
Going from city to city from couch to couch
Your love is my drug
I am addicted to your sweet smell of comfort
I crave your touch when you are not around
I get withdrawals when when I haven’t seen you in a couple of hours
Your touch is my medication
Your lips are my candy
Your hands are my healers
Your heart beat is my lullaby
Your breath is my air
I dream upon a dream
Awaken to your eyes
Found sense in everything
Then she had to cut the ties
I feel empty all the time
She's the love I’ll never find
The reason I'm alive
I went and talked to myself again not too long ago. The last few times haven’t been all that great, and I don’t know what keeps compelling me to go back. As I approach this altered reflection of myself, I notice for the first time how atrophied he’s become; His eyes look strained, forced open with an invisible speculum, unable to rest. His face shallow, pale, and aged. His body frail, emaciated, and dying. It scared me but I approached him regardless.